Confessions of a Chick in Paris

Confessions of a Chick in Paris

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The Beginning of the End: “Grapple”

March 15, 2010 , , , , , , ,

It was mostly curiosity when I first read the package tagline: “Crunches like an apple. Tastes like a grape.”

(umm…excuse me?)

But as I continued along the produce aisle, searching for a classic kind of fruit, my feelings quickly heightened to fear.

I don’t have a problem with naturally-occurring fusions (donkey + horse=mule, me + cupcakes=happiness coma), but when the crazy science folks start to mix up fruity notions, I sense the beginnings of evil.

And by the way, who are scientists to decide that a grape needs to help out an apple? A grape doesn’t need to be crunchy, and an apple tastes great in its original apple essence.

Subjectivity aside, you know where my next thought will lead:

-What if they start doing this to humans?

Like maybe the government will round up a bunch of scientists, and start to make a list of their desired human fusions. Doesn’t sound scary yet, but what if they decide to use it on me? “Hey scientist guy, see that blonde hottie over there? Her personality blows, so let’s give her Romi’s and see what comes out.” (and yes of course I’d be selected on these grounds, thank you very much)

So fine, blondie gets a giant chunk of my brain, but what the hell happens to me? Or look at the picture again: what the hell happened to the grape that was used to make “Grapple”? Well I’m pretty sure that “Grapple” still looks like an apple, so yes, you guessed it,  the grape is DEAD.

So it starts with an apple and a grape, and it ends with my carcass in a science lab.

(beware of men in white coats…)

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comments

START doing it? They have.

It’s one of the things Adolf Hitler was most interested in studying on the Jews. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugenics

These days people are interested in breeding the “perfect” baby. It’s really scary.

Grapples are weird. I feel like I’ve tried them before, but I don’t remember what they taste like. We should just call them Crapples.

Jen512

March 15, 2010

see comment below…am I paranoid?!…

Romi

March 15, 2010

Whoa. Sounds like Romi might need to review her evolutionary theory vis a vis LaMarck versus Darwin, or perhaps stop eating cupcakes just before bed. As Jen512 notes, this is not a new idea, and I believe that unfortunately, it’s just what those white coats in their cubicles are being paid to do by those creepy guys in the control booth who take their orders from those twisted little zillionaires who are unable to conceive. If ONLY they would limit their desires to f*$ked up fruit! They’re going to turn our DNA into mush, but by then the robots will have taken over from their colony on the moon. So it’s all gonna be OK. Just eat you grapple and quit whining. :)

Oh, and how do we know that mules are “naturally occurring”?

David

March 15, 2010

I must clarify this immediately, before more people say “as Jen512 notes, this is not a new idea…”, because as creepy as super-babies or selective-breeding is, I’m not talking about a scary future involving generations not yet here, I’m talking about walking down the street, whistling away with a coffee in my hand, and having my ass unceremoniously tossed into a windowless van, for unauthorized and painful transference of traits.

Like “ouch” and “noooo!”…you know?
;)

Romi

March 15, 2010

So you think the Canadian government is going to kidnap you for eugenics experimentation? Well good for them, they’re probably just trying to figure out how to come up with the most Beautiful Canadian Woman Ever, and realize that they need some Romi genes. Once they’ve taken their “tissue sample” I’m sure they’ll just flash you with the neuralizer and drop you by the nearest Canadian Tire store. Maybe they’ll pop your coffee into the microwave for a sec so you won’t even realize what’s happened. Until the year 2029, when the Romi Clones hit puberty …

David

March 20, 2010

I think at that point I’ll just ask them to give me one of the Romi-clone’s body, ’cause I’m gonna be an old HAG by 2029!!! So maybe I was wrong then…maybe sharing is caring ;)

Romi

March 22, 2010

Who knows what other weird fruity combinations will come next. Don’t even want to think about the experiments are being run human genes.

Joy

March 15, 2010

I think I’ll be most disturbed if they start mixing cured meats with sugary breakfast cereals…

Romi

March 22, 2010

So did you buy them? How are they!?

Steve

March 15, 2010

Ha, are you kidding?! I ran home and started eating corn right out of the husks and fresh cane sugar..raw materials baby!! Never forget!

Romi

March 22, 2010

That grapple sounds like a wild idea from a farmer with too much time on his hands! I still enjoy my artificial concoction of strawberry+banana juice, though ;)

P.S. Watch yourself while walking down the street. Somebody might be taking bids on your eyelashes!

duffboy

March 15, 2010

ok, ok, I will admit that the strawberry-banana concoction is fabulous :)

Romi

March 22, 2010

I’d be happy to have part of your brain Romi! Wait, I’m missing the point, aren’t I…

rachelhamm

March 16, 2010

you are SO missing the point! Don’t you DARE harvest me!!!

Romi

March 22, 2010

I guess it’s better than splicing edible with non-edible. You can have something like the Crapple! That would scare me more.By the by, do some research on your produce anyway. Tomatoes are sometimes injected with human DNA to give a more plump and juicy effect. This essentially makes vegetarians cannibals. Haha. I think it’s funny.

Justin

March 17, 2010

omg….crapple is the stuff of my worst nightmares!

PS: i am not a vegetarian, so I also find that tomato scenario to be hilarious :D

Romi

March 22, 2010

But grapples are delicious. Don’t fight it, Romi!

Babito's Dad

March 17, 2010

NO! NEVER SURRENDER!!!

Romi

March 22, 2010

Grapple–that’s really gross!

And the human fusion reminds me of the only “blonde” joke I know: What do you call an upside-down, naked blonde? A brunette!

Scott

March 19, 2010

wowzers, haha…never heard that one!

Romi

March 22, 2010

They’d implant the blondie brain in you. They have to do something with it. You’d be a Indanuck with a Valley Girl personality. Kind of like a rasin that tastes like an apple!! You are nuts and I love it. :-)

Wiggy

March 20, 2010

hahaha…I would rather have no brain than blondie brain; like they could stuff my head full of cotton candy and I could eat it for later…(now do you know why this is called the crazy blog? ;) )

Romi

March 22, 2010

HAHA! I’d love to see your personality on everyone I know. And they already do this!!!! People fusing, like when people pick out attributes they want from different people and cook em up in little petri dishes! The worst has occurred…

Shweta

March 22, 2010

ha, I just read through the comments…other people said what I said only with more eloquence, someone smack the retarded out of me…

Shweta

March 22, 2010

no smacks needed! Thanks for stopping by as always :)

Romi

April 4, 2010

It makes me wonder what they mixed with apples to get Scrapple.

Ahmnodt Heare

April 3, 2010

Hahaha…I only just learned what Scrapple was a short while back! Thanks for visiting :)

Romi

April 4, 2010

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