I started using Facebook in December of 2006. Age twenty-five and with my narcissism underdeveloped, I was skeptical at best. And why not? Only some years removed from high school a.k.a. the era of “ugly face hidden by greasy knots of hair”, and suddenly I was expected to post my private jpegs as a showcase?
Stupid fad, it’ll pass.
Four years later I’m a faithful disciple to the medium. Faithful and dependent, because if someone stole my Facebook and my iPhone, they may as well steal my will to live and the world’s supply of chocolate (most of which is currently stored in my cupboard).
Facebook lets you create an unlimited number of albums, so where the cost of film and printed pictures was once prohibitive, with Facebook every eye blink is suddenly worthy of exposure. Like the photos from the day I spent walking around. Or the time I got dressed and went outside. Or the morning I had cereal for breakfast. And don’t you ALL want to know which cereal it was? Of course you do…it was Multi-Grain Cheerios! I’ll post a picture on Facebook to prove it.
I will admit to feeling jealous sometimes, when I don’t have better reasons to post. My friends who get married rule the Newsfeed with their epic celebrations. My friends who have babies are even worse. In fact, one random morning my Facebook “friend” shared an ultrasound picture of her fetus. When I saw it my face turned red and my blood began to boil. Why hasn’t anyone seen the inner workings of MY uterus?! Maybe I can post a picture of my sexier, fetus-free oven to upstage her. But will people think I’m weird if I show them an empty uterus? Will I risk getting zero comments?
So I’ll admit, there is even a hierarchy in Facebook land, but always remember how your life could be worse, if Facebook and Twitter and all of it shut its doors.
For the first little while you’d be frantic, and soon you’d start printing all your jpegs and sorting them in themes. Then you’d wander around busy streets and subways, tapping people on the shoulder and asking them to look at your albums. Maybe they’d like to leave a comment as well? There’s a guestbook section in the back.
But don’t forget: the rest of them are suffering too. A society of vacant faces peddling their photos to strangers, in the downtrodden search for validation.
If society turned into THAT, I’m sure the aliens would say “no thanks”, and cancel their impending invasion.
And in fact society HAS turned into that, it’s simply hidden in the shadows of the Internet.
So yes it’s a competition, and sure you’ll be upstaged by the uterus pic that’s plugged up with a fetus, but don’t let it bring you down! Instead take heart that you can share your daily details with the welcoming walls of the web, which trick you into thinking that any of it matters.
“The medium is the message.”– Marshall McLuhan
Just when I thought the Internet couldn’t possibly be more useful, it’s now lending help to our conversation skills. And not the sort of skills you can develop through an actual personality, but the superficial stuff of discussing all things Hollywood. This glitter-rich topic will help you land some real-life (wait for it)…acquaintances!
