Confessions of a Chick in Paris

Confessions of a Chick in Paris

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Cover Up Those Doll-Boobs!

January 15, 2009 , , , , , , , ,

actress1On my seventh birthday, it happened:

-I finally got the doll of my dreams.

She wasn’t any kind of Barbie, but her name was Steffi and she rocked my world.  Standing tall at approximately eighteen inches, she had the token mane of horse hair, but a not-so-standard body.  It was a cuddly body, made out of plush material.  You may be imagining a Cabbage Patch doll, but let me assure you, Steffi was a standard anorexic (and that’s how I like ’em!).

Though I loved my Steffi Doll to death, I didn’t like her outfit.  She was wearing a short jean skirt (which was fine), but her top was made out of denim too.  Even at the age of seven, I knew to stay away from “denim on denim” (though I’d forget that rule in the 90’s); so why didn’t Steffi know? 

As I was tugging away at her ugly jacket, I noticed that it was removable.  And so, with all the excitement of a teenage boy who’s finally about to “score”, I ripped off her little jacket with my pointed teeth (or maybe with my hands).

Underneath it was a dazzling sight:

-A sparkly purple bra-top, sewn right on to her plush and squeezy melons.

She looked like a grown-up woman!

I was thrilled, and from there she began to headline my living room fashion show.  I would walk her along the bottom of the fireplace: three steps forward, stop and turn, three steps more, stop and turn (and back again).

One afternoon my mother walked in while I was doing the fashion show…and she basically had a fit.  She grabbed the doll and demanded to know wear I’d put her shirt.

Like most mothers do, she didn’t even pause for an answer, but instead continued on with her booming rant.

I wasn’t really able to process everything she said (half because of tears, have because of trembling “mom-fear”).

Even so, I managed to absorb some overall themes:  dolls should never take their clothes off…it’s wrong to show your body like that…girls who show their skin are “very bad”.

I never took off Steffi’s ugly jacket again, but still I was confused by the hardcore rule.  Confused because, whenever my dad was watching a Bollywood movie, the starring girl would be dressed in a sparkly “half shirt”, with giant boobs just waiting to escape.  It was during these very movies, that I first saw a man kiss an Indian girl on the boobs.  They had both been dancing in the rain, and after all the hops and skips, he buried his face in her chest (but only for a second, ’cause anything else would be classified as Indian porn).   

It was a scene I’d never forget, because my dad was trying hard not to flinch, while my mom was letting out a grunt (it was not a happy grunt).  All along I’d been standing in the darkened hallway (hiding from my older brother and his “wrestling moves”).

So as you can imagine, boobs were an intriguing thing for me, and I was so excited that I’d get to grow some big ones too (whatever happened to that plan?)…which is why it really hurt that I had to cover Steffi’s melons. 

Over time I was raised to feel more and more indecent on the topic of “skin”.  By the time I was in high school, I was way too reserved to even try on a “baby tee” (while every other girl was playing fat-roll “Show and Tell”).

It was not even until my early 20’s, that I first showed my cleavage in public.  All those years of hiding my supple flesh; years that I will never get back.  Hmm…maybe that’s why I’m so enthralled by the topic of boobs (and their role in society).

And the irony of it all?  I now wear trampy shirts all the time, and nobody even cares!  Even my “indian dresses” are tailored to be “tight on top” (as per the direction of my very own mother!)

What can I say,  I guess things change when you’re hawking a depreciating daughter (and no I’m not married yet…tick-tock)



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Sorry, I googled Indian porn and this site came up. Ironically, I believe I worked on the Bollywood classic you reference. Prior to owning a convenience store, I was a key grip on many quality films.

THanks for the post. Any good leads on Indian porn? It’s remarkably hard to come by.

Ram Venkatararam

January 15, 2009

I spent a lot of time stripping the sister’s Barbies…what?

this buddy of mine

January 15, 2009

I have never been comfortable with shirts that are too low-cut. Even if the necessary bits are covered, I still feel exposed if the shirt is cut a certain number of inches below my collarbone. I don’t know why this is – I wasn’t raised by the Amish and I’m not a very shy person, especially about matters of the bedroom, but that’s how I am.


January 15, 2009

Hindsight is always and unfortunately 20/20. In my early 20s I could have easily gotten away with showing a little skin. But, like you, I was inexplicably modest and covered it all up. Now my modesty has waned a bit, but so has the tightness of my belly, so out of consideration for others I cover up. Not to say that I’ve gotten fat or anything, but a 21 year-old body only comes once…


January 15, 2009

For some reason, I don’t have a problem with low or tightly cut shirts…but my daughter is only four. I will be taking a better inventory of her dolls though, but all of her’s are still baby dolls!


January 15, 2009

I’m surprised your mom had such a fit over the doll not having a top on. I know that for most of the Barbies owned by my nieces and nephews that the clothes are the first thing to go. LOL. The dolls are then forever found in various stages of undress and also creatively dressed in such precious materials as toilet paper, play-doh, yarn, colorforms, and other things. I thought that was normal. I don’t think your older sister did her job right – she was supposed to break your parents in for you.


January 15, 2009

Personally, I always spent my doll-viewing days wondering what happened to Ken’s wang. Barbie got boobage, but what the hell happened to Ken? Was it tucked back? Had he experienced an unfortunate accident at the meat packing plant? I still wonder about that.


January 15, 2009

I always wanted the perfect pecs and definition of my Ultimate Warrior action figure…


January 15, 2009

I love it when women take their clothes off.


January 15, 2009

I remember my cousins pulling off their Barbies’ clothes to change them, watching, and I honestly don’t think it was such a big deal. For some reason, the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders’ bare midriff struck me as more exotically alluring at that age. I have NO IDEA why.

Taoist Biker

January 15, 2009

Growing up, my sister would constantly dress, undress, and redress her barbie dolls and my parents had no issues with that.

Like douglas4582, I too wanted the physical traits of one of my action figures. Unfortunately, that action figure was a spandex clad Power Ranger, and spandex doesn’t go over too well these days, even if you’re in great shape.


January 15, 2009

Wow. Do they still sell that Steffi doll I wonder.

I like the sound of that denim jacket with the sparkly pink underwear. 😉 Clearly your mother has no fashion sense and was a bully as well.

LOL on your brief description of the Bollywood movie scene with bouncing, boobs, and rain. I can picture it so well now. 🙂


January 16, 2009

Wow your Steffi doll sounds awesome… Barbie never had a sparkly purple bra – just those horrible hard pointy boobies. I was always more interested in Ken, and Barbies pet horse than I was in Barbie anyway.

Bird on the Wire

January 16, 2009

I like the sound of Steffi. She had a nice whorish sparkly bra covering her ta-ta’s but to top it all off she was wearing a Canadian tuxedo! She certainly has class to the maxx. Damn! I think we all have an interest in boobs, except my friend Angelo…but that’s a whole different story (no he’s not gay). Boobs are the only fat on a woman that men will encourage the growth of. So odd, yet amusing.


January 16, 2009

It doesn’t matter how well you cover your boobs. We will ALWAYS imagine them bare. I think it’s genetic. Sheesh, doesn’t your mother know this? Superman’s X-ray vision doesn’t have JACK on a horny 15-year-old guy…and we never get any older 🙂

B Smith

January 16, 2009

So do you wear those tight, trampy tops around your Mom? Wonder what she’d think of them now . . .


January 16, 2009

I wonder how I’ll handle this when the time comes with my wee ones. Considering I rock the boob shirts almost daily, and that about half the gals in my social circle do as well I think we’re screwed. I figure as long as the rest of the outfit isn’t as slutty as the top, you’re a-ok! 😛


January 16, 2009

OMG. LOL. How true is this: “while every other girl was playing fat-roll “Show and Tell”… I think we are about the same age so I too, saw girls do this.

Embrace your boobs… they are one of the best things we have! 🙂 I don’t mind showing the girls off every now and then!


January 16, 2009

I’ve never even heard of a doll for kids that had plush boobs in a sparkly bra – but if I’d owned one, I would have held pretend fashion shows for her.

I did have quite a collection of Barbies and Jem dolls though. They used to run Ken over with the Barbie Camper and take over the world.


January 16, 2009

oh mah gawd… dolls have boobs?? and I thought those types were only found in valleys.


sauer kraut

January 16, 2009

Found you!


January 16, 2009

hahaha…steffi’s some hot stuff. hilarious post.


January 17, 2009

At seven the whole of my fashion sense was an aversion to red pants, and a dislike of shoes. My sisters barbies were drafted in GI Joe armies as outsized amazons with pliable limbs, fit for murder. Their conscription rarely lasted more than a day…but their legend lived on in the terrified minds of generations of COBRA recruits.

A.J. Valliant

January 17, 2009

Ram: thanks for your visit, and I had to click on your name to see your blog and find out if you were for real with regards to your “Indian Porn” request..after I did that I laughed my ass off, thanks 🙂

this buddy of mine: stripping them is better than when my brother would remove the heads, haha 😉

crisitunity: hahaha…I don’t think you have to be raised by the Amish to be a little conservative with certain things…I’ve never had a threshold by inches, but I definitely keep the necessary bits safely covered! 🙂

megan: hey there thanks for the visit 🙂 And I know what you mean; though I’m not a pie-eating monster with tons of rolls, I know the difference between a bare belly that gets noticed and drooled over, and a bare belly that is slightly unfortunate, hahaha…so no baby tees for me! 😉

morethananelectrician: baby dolls are a safe bet for as long as you can keep her interested in them…but honestly I hate the ones that you can fill up with water so they “fake pee” everywhere, hahaha…

teeni: it’s very normal to undress your dolls, and even this one was wearing a bra, so I’m not sure what the big effin’ deal was! I think you’re right that it has a lot to do with my sister NOT paving the way for me, in many areas of life…sigh…

maleesha: Oh gosh hahaha…from the image of naked Ken that I remember, I’m pretty sure his wang WAS tucked back, lmao….weird though…shouldn’t there at least have been a little “nubbin” or something? 😉

douglas: thanks for stopping by, and I’m glad you mentioned the Ultimate Warrior, he was the wrestler I SOOO had a crush on…*sigh* those veiny muscles.. 😉

Kerplar: umm yeah…and the sky is blue, hahaha 😉

Taoist Biker: I never thought of the Dallas Cowboys midriff being “exotically alluring” (lmao), but whatever rocks your socks 😉

omegaradium: yeah, I don’t feel the need for guys to be in spandex ever either….just be naked please, and that will do, haha… 😉

David: yes, my mother was totally a fashion-backward bully, why don’t you tell her that while I hide around the corner? Hahaha.. 😉

PS: what beats bouncing boobs and rain? Those Bollywood people know what they’re doing 😉


January 18, 2009

Bird on the Wire: I always wanted Barbie’s horse as well, but it was too expensive so I would make my Barbie awkwardly ride the “My Little Pony” I had 😉

Justin: You did NOTTTT just call “denim-on-denim” a Canadian tuxedo!!!!! Damn you for saying something that might be slightly true, hahaha…all that was missing was her mullet…lol 😉

PS: but then there’s those men that love booty fat, so sometimes that is encouraged, the only problem is that “butt fat” doesn’t grow in all smooth and perfect, like you have to deal with the lumpy-lumps and “so wrong” jiggles too…wow I think I’m going to throw up….hahaha….

PPS: how is Angelo a straight guy who doesn’t like boobs? Did he have a bad breast-feeding experience as a baby? I’m intrigued…

B Smith: I could seriously use some attention, so I think I’m gonna start spending more time around 15 year-old boys, haha.. 🙂

Red: my mom has seen my tight trampy tops, but usually they are peaking out from under a little sweater, just to keep myself somewhat legit, hahaha 😉

May: I think it’s totally acceptable to rock the boobies in awesome tops as long as the rest of the outfit isn’t super-exposing, so just work it! 😉

Lucky: I think my brain is forever stained with the image of girls playing “Fat Roll Show ‘n Tell”…so wrong and unnecessary…and yes boobs are nice, I’d like to wake up with some bigger ones at any time 😉

rambleicious: the plush-boob sparkly-bra doll was one of the rarest dolls of its kind; she had a line of three other friends, but I couldn’t find a single one on eBay!!

PS: omg I could to talk to you for days about my “Jem obsession” 😉

sauer kraut: I don’t quite know what to make of your comment, haha, but thanks for stopping by 🙂

Billy: yes you finally found me amongst the sea of blogs, haha, and I’m glad you’re back to your hilarious postings 😉

Mike: thanks Mike, and if I knew where I could find one, I would send her to you for your enjoyment, haha 😉

A. J. Valliant: Wow, I had a couple pairs of red pants when I was a kid (one cordouroy, one cotton), so I guess we wouldn’t have been friends as kids 😦

PS: “outsized amazons with pliable limbs, fit for murder”!?!?!? Wow….best description of Barbie dolls…EVER. 🙂


January 18, 2009

I was terrified of my boobs until my late 20s. Modesty was HUGE in our house growing up and to be honest, I’m still a fan of it but more so now because I don’t want any more faculty to think I’m a student rather than a colleague. I’m fascinated by breasts and would really like to know what fake ones feel like. Does that make me a lesbian?

Pammy Girl

January 21, 2009

All my barbies were naked. My mom would ask me why they were naked and where their clothes were. I guess it was then that I realized that i should be ashamed of my body and not show it- just like you. I know that when my daughters have naked bodies, I WILL NEVER EVER ask them why they are naked



January 23, 2009

Now, the thing about having friends with sisters, while growing up: the endless possibilities of doll boobs! I’m guessing your experience was not as arousing as mine 😦


January 28, 2009

Hmmmm, while I’m not about the shame-filling idea that boobs are naughty, I do think more girls ought to be taught more about ‘classy come-hither’ than ‘fat-roll show and tell’. Don’t tell Josh though, he’d let me leave the house with camel toe if it were up to him. Blech!


September 20, 2009

What a helpful post for a father of a 13-year-old! Thanks, young lady!

The Hook

December 18, 2011

Always happy to help the fathers out there, haha.


December 19, 2011

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