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After eight long years on earth, I was finally invited to a birthday party (a sigh of relief for my escalating “loser index”).
My parents were instructed to buy two presents, ’cause that’s the deal when you’re honouring a set of twins (it makes me sad that I’m mentioning a “set of twins”, knowing full well that the story isn’t sexy…).
I gave my parents a list of popular toys, and they went with the ones I loved the most:
How can you beat a doll who becomes a cupcake? Even their hats played a part, turning into frosted tops. It was “baked-goods transformers” for girls, and scented to boot!…
…My outfit for the party was a dress; it was actually a dress that looked like a sailor outfit, and it had previously belonged to my sister. The dress had been worn and washed so many times, that it was currently covered in a layer of “lint balls”, giving it a burlap feel.
To off-set the old-dress/homeless look, I washed my hair for the occasion, with Head & Shoulders Extra Strength Anti-Dandruff Shampoo. I’m not even sure if I was suffering from dandruff at the time, but I liked how the robust aroma lasted until the next shower.
When I arrived at the girls’s house, I walked into a room full of six little girls, and four little well-dressed boys. More interested in food than interaction, we stuffed our faces with cake, hamburgers and Coke.
Next it was time to open up the presents. My cupcake dolls were quickly tossed aside for the latest Barbie, her best friend Midge and a California Ken. That was fine, because I grabbed the cupcake girls from the reject-pile, sniffing their bottoms to my heart’s content (’cause they were scented remember?…ahem)…
…We then switched gears to movie-time, and the Disney classic “Cinderella”.
At the time I’d never even heard of Cinderella. But when it started…I was gone. The evil sisters, the dress, the handsome prince, the quest for love…how could I have never heard of this? As I watched the film, my heart kept doing the strangest things; it flipped, it danced, it flipped some more…I was dizzy with a new emotion. If all that wasn’t enough, the girls broke off when the movie was over, cackling with pleasure at the mention of one “Tom Cruise”.
“Who’s Tom Cruise?”, I asked.
They looked at me like I was missing half my head, and handed me a cassette:
-It was a tape of the “Cocktail” soundtrack, with Tom Cruise standing behind a bar, staring at me one-on-one.
My heart did the “flippy” thing again.
I handed back the tape, and thought about this thing called love. That’s when I saw a couple of boys doing wrestling moves with the cupcake dolls. I’m not sure what it was, but the boys looked kind of…cute? And that’s when I knew that I would marry a beautiful boy one day, and call him my own Prince Charming…
…As the party came to a close, one of the twins handed me the “Cocktail” tape, telling me I could borrow it for seven days.
So I skipped back home with the tape in hand and my cheeks still flush; it was the closest to “horny” that an eight-year-old can feel (unless there are some seriously horny eight-year-olds that I don’t know about).
As soon as I arrived back home, my mom snatched the “Cocktail” tape, examining the sultry gaze and the booze-laden backdrop. It was like she could tell that I was tainted.
And that’s when she told me that my party days were over…too expensive, she claimed.
I didn’t understand what was happening, so I cried until she changed her answer. It didn’t work, and just to make it fair, my sister couldn’t go to any parties either. Instead we could play with our friends at school, and my father nodded in agreement.
Even as I kept growing older, my parents didn’t budge on the social rules. I just stopped asking…
…I’m still not sure why my parents decided that complete deprivation was the answer to creating a “goody-goody child-in-a-box”. And I’m sure they never knew that they’d wind up with a drunken-whore of a Romi as a substitute.
Okay, okay, I’m not a whore (I swear!), but I am so much worse than a girl who stares at “Cocktail” tapes, and they don’t even have a clue.
Oh well, one day I’ll tell ’em everything, and we’ll have a hearty laugh. One day…
Fortunately complete deprivation is no longer the fashionable parenting style. My parents were the same – I was not given a name until I was 13. I had to share my sister’s.
Anyway, I think we all would agree that the current practice of overindulgence and parenting by video game produces far superior outcomes.
Aw….that is so cute/sad/funny.
I am so with you on the ‘robust’ scent of the anti-dandruff shampoo.
Sigh. I have some sad stories to share. Nothing too terrible. Our house got burned down when I was 7 and from then until about 10 years old I was a strange, anxious little child who didn’t have many friends.
But even now some of the stuff is too raw.
Deprivation usually leads to decadence.
Maybe that’s your answer! A tell-all conversation. Perhaps they will think you too tainted to marry, and you will have all the time you need to get things happening with Internet guy.
Awww, this makes me want to throw you a big old b-day party 😉
The deprived ones always do the wildest things. Our Valedictorian was a preacher’s son. Yeah, he had his days. Same goes for everyone else (myself included) whose parents foisted ridiculous social rules on them.
But as a parent, I know how hard it’s going to be NOT to. I do not look forward to those decisions.
But still…pretty sure I’m not going to start regulating BD parties until they’re in their teens at least.
It should be comforting to know that we (including myself) “tainted” ones ALWAYS know how to have a good time and where the funs at!!!!!! Also, baked good play things….why did they never come out with something like this for guys that was socially acceptable?!!?! Also, at least you party blocked your sister to and did you ever get to listen to that Cocktail’s soundtrack?
I was wondering when u’d come back to the point this year.. 😛 Now I don’t mean the ones about the picnics and the fights were bad.. but those kinda dint sit right with ur Image..
And eight!! Man u were slow.. 😛
LOL – I remember those cupcake dolls – my niece had a bunch of them – stinky little suckers. LOL. I can’t believe your mom banned you from birthday parties because of Tom Cruise. You should sue him for a deprived childhood! 😉
A few thoughts here:
“(It makes me sad that I’m mentioning a ‘set of twins’, knowing full well that the story isn’t sexy…)”
Well, I’m guessing that, at eight, you didn’t yet HAVE a set of sexy twins. (Further Than I Should Go: “show me your twins, baby!!!” Oh, I am SOOOO gonna use that…heh)
“It was the closest to horny that an eight year old can feel (unless there are some seriously horny eight year olds that I don’t know about)”
They are called “boys”, heh heh heh. I remember that age vividly. I am pretty sure that more than one of the junior wrestlers at that party was checking YOU out…and it wasn’t just his heart doing a little ‘flippy’ thing 😉
Keep fighting the power, dear. Good little girls are kinda boring.
Are you still flippy over Cock — tail and Tom Cruise?
I love your new blog Romi…
And as for birthday parties, I think I was invited to like 2 or 3 in my childhood. So I guess I was left off the cool list too. Birthday parties are stupid.
My childhood was filled with ALL SORTS of debauchery!
I’m sorry you missed out on all the fun though.
I agree that when your parents tell you that you can’t have something growing up . . . you tend to go a little overboard later on in life when you’re free to do as you please.
I just always take these kinds of memories and translate them into positives by learning what NOT to do with my kids.
I watched a boy pee when I was 8. Maybe that flush of embarrassment was actually horny.
Sheesh I feel like a retard. I didn’t even kiss a girl until I was like 11.
Anyway, this post is kind of a throwback to YOTC, huh Romi? No mention of anything Indian. Unless the cupcake dolls came in a curry version. Ick. Oh well that’s OK, it was an enjoyable post anyway, as usual. Why, you make even pigeon shit fun!
They should have given you Top Gun instead of Cocktail. That would have slid by easier, I think. I was eight when I got to watch it at summer camp (um…I can’t believe we got to watch that at summer camp) but I wasn’t yet into boys. I mostly thought they smelled funny. I really wanted to fly the plane instead. Now I hate planes and love boys. I mean my husband, of course.
Dang sugar, I think me and you had similar upbringings, except my parents were psycho christian crackers. Look how that shit turned out right? You’re a drunken ho-bag, I’m a drunken, anti-religious felon. I figure no matter what the hell I do with my kids they can’t possibly turn out worse than me right?
So does this new one have a theme like YOTC did or what? I suppose I should actually take the time to read the other post(s). Yeah nevermind, I’ll get back to you if I don’t find an answer elsewhere. Peace Romes.
Hahahahahaha, I totally thought that comment before me said beasties, like bestiality or something.
OMG, did Josh just call you a drunken ho-bag?!?!
Josh, you’re right about your kids, the chance of them being worse than you is slim. And I’m not making a veiled insult either. Kids are usually right on top of their parents bullshit and thus able to avoid some of it before finding their own little pile. 🙂
Romi… That Pessimist is back too. It’s like, there is a god after all.
Now where is Barclay?
I loved that soundtrack 🙂
Ram: hahaha….you are so not Indian in real life…because you’re too damn funny…lol…
PS: the best grown-ups I’ve ever come across are the ones that spawned from the “parent BFF” structure 😉
GYL: oh my goodness, I’m so sorry your house got burned down, and from the sounds of it, you did not have the most fun childhood…sorry it’s still raw for you, and I hope my blog doesn’t keep reminding you of it! (I suspect my next post won’t, haha 😉 )
Pure Evyl: but decadence can be so damn yummy 😉
Kerplar: hmm…interesting proposition, and one thing’s for sure: throwing them off my scent by making them think I’m damaged goods would certainly ease up on the pressure….either that or they would slip into denial as they so often to with other things, haha 😉
Java Queen: I am always game for parties in my honour, and hey, you might as well start planning, ’cause my birthday isn’t much more than two months away!! 🙂
dobeman: I’m sure you’re going to make the right decisions when the time comes, and it’s true, until “spin the bottle” or “seven minutes in heaven” becomes the main theme of birthday parties, you’ll be fine 😉
sammy25: oh my gosh, isn’t it fun to be tainted? We’re always the life of the party eh? 😉
PS: I didn’t get to listen to the Cocktail tape, but once I returned it, one of the twins let me listen to it in her walkman…I was always more enthralled by the picture though 🙂
PPS: I’m sorry you never got to use baked-good play things 😦
:rv: well that’s interesting, because all the “love stuff” isn’t exactly “the point” this year…I mean this may not fit with the 2008 image you remember, but one year against my entire life up ’till now…well I would reckon that “my entire life up until now” is more indicative of my image, it’s just that it’s only showing itself now 😉 …
teeni: but I loved those stinky suckers!! And these days, gosh, Tom Cruise is so NOT on my hot-list, so he can keep to himself, haha 😉
B Smith: hahaha….did you just use “twins” in a totally different context? No, I’m gonna pretend I didn’t see that, haha 😉
PS: no way an eight year old’s “thing” was doing the flippy thing for me…no way!!
Red: HAHAHA….I knew you would find some way to have fun with “Cocktail”, and to answer your question: no and no!
bronsonfive: aww thanks, and I’m so glad you’re back again, so don’t try to leave for long periods of time and try to have a “life” again, ’cause that’ll piss me off 😉
PS: birthday parties were soooo stupid…just a “present grab” for selfish brat-ass kids…sigh
Otto Mann: I’m so glad your past has showed you what NOT to do regarding your kids…I pretty much feel like I turned out perfectly, so if my future kids wind up just like me, all the better… 😉
Anja: HAHAHA….I kind of know the situation though; like I snuck into a boys bathroom when I was ten (on a dare), and I caught a boy peeing….he was not pleased, haha 😉
David: you didn’t kiss a girl till you were eleven!?!?!? What are you, Amish? 😉
And as for no mention of anything “Indian”, well this blog is about what it’s like growing up in an “Indian regime”, against a very conflicting backdrop. A big BIG part of that regime is facing ridiculous strictness, hence the subject matter here…so no, there won’t be mentions of “naans” every single time, haha, sorry to disappoint 😉
maleesha: i’m sure your husband knows he’s the only boy you love (aww 😉 )…and what about the male fascination for Top Gun? I’m not sure if it’s a homo-erotic thing or what, but guys I know do not seem to be able to stop quoting that movie….damn annoying!
Kitty: thanks for visiting and I’m glad you enjoyed it 🙂
Josh: OH MY GOSH, I love that you just called me a “drunken ho-bag” 🙂 , but ya you get it…like tightening the grip only makes a child squirm their way out and race towards reckless abandon, haha 😉
PS: well I didn’t hear back so I assume you figured out the theme to an extent, haha 😉
PPS: “beastiality”!?!?!? I should hope not!
David: he SO DID call me that, and I found it to be quite amusing 🙂 …he also called me “Sugar”, and I freakin’ love that! 🙂
bronsonfive: I know, I noticed on my other blog that he is back!! 🙂 I almost can’t believe it, and now I have renewed expectations for the both of you to keep up at least semi-regularly!!!
Allison: all I really remember from that soundtrack was the Beach Boys “Aruba, Jamaica, come my pretty mama” and so on and so forth song…I was pretty obsessed with it for like a year 🙂
Once there was a way to get back homeward
Once there was a way to get back home
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullabye
Golden slumbers fill your eyes
Smiles awake you when you rise
Sleep pretty darling do not cry
And I will sing a lullabye.
you better blogroll me again.!!