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Do you remember the first time you shat yourself, spit up your heart, and screamed your face off from a movie?
Chances are it happened when you were a kid, and I’m guessing the culprit was a scary movie. Same goes for me and I was nine years old, but it wasn’t Freddy Krueger who stole my childhood …it was actually a Bollywood movie…
…I had never even thought of Bollywood films in a “horror” sense, but on one particular Saturday night, during hour number two of a three-hour fiick (seriously Bollywood, cut down the average length), something appalling happened:
-There along the sandy road, a cobra appeared from behind a deadened tree, positioning itself to attack the leading lady
Before I could even cover my eyes, the snake plunged its deadly fangs into the woman’s ankle.
She cried. She writhed. She was going to die. Meanwhile I was frozen with terror, too still to even manage a shudder.
And then, like Sir Lancelot on his steed, the Indian hero arrived. He jumped from his horse to get a closer look, and that’s when he saw the damage. Our heroine lay there, glazed in a layer of sweat, her ample bosom heaving in apparent pain.
She was moments away from death, and the hero knew it too. So he did a surprising thing, which I didn’t understand in the least. He dove towards her ankle, mouth open wide and ready for action.
As he lay there suckling her ankle like an infant child on a ripened teat, I finally figured it out:
-He was sucking out the venom
Once he felt secure in his venom-extracting ways, he spit out the liquid death.
As the heroine began to realize what had happened, her eyes welled up into pools of love. The next thing I knew the two were playing “peek-a-boo”, from behind the exact same tree that the cobra had emerged from.
So the movie ended well, but it was no less a terrifying film for me. For years thereafter I would have a recurring nightmare, where a snake kept popping in and out of trees, taunting me until the bite. The only difference from the movie though, was the absence of an Indian hero.
And that’s the biggest nightmare of all…knowing that my life is devoid of an actual hero. In fact for all my years of life, no one has ever promised to save me from a cobra, not even once. I mean sure there is always some talk of my “cool personality”, blah, blah, blah…but has any guy ever told me he will suck out the venom?
It might seem a lot to ask, but what if I’m having a stroll with the future-hubby, and a cobra enters the scene? What if he doesn’t suckle me to safety?
Well I’ll be dead and he’ll be a coward, and that’s no good for anyone.
Maybe this is why I haven’t gotten married yet.
So yeah, scary movies…they can totally mess a kid up.
I was fascinated by the poison antidote (from cowboy movies) you referenced in your post when I was a child too. I didn’t get over it until I saw the Woody Allen movie “Banana’s”, where he highly satirized it (I guess it was a common occurence in old movies) with a lack of volunteers, until a young woman in the film ran through the streets shrieking about a snake bite, and holding her, how can I say this gently, bosoms, with a thick trail of would be hero’s following in her wake.
But it was Salem’s Lot that stole my childhood!
Chick Flicks do that to me.
I would suckle you as long as there wasn’t any venom involved. 😈
Wow, so much sucking and teat and bosom talk, hold on I think I need to visit porntube quick. Ok, I’m back! Where were we? Right, scary movies. I would say the scariest movie I have ever seen is “On the Line” starring Lance Bass and Joey Fatone. My mind is scared for life. =(
I totally LOVE horror flicks! My family used to go as a big group and make fun of them so I wasn’t too scared as a kid. When I got older, I just liked the thrill. There are some movies I have a hard time watching now because I don’t like as much blood and gore, but I still don’t mind the thrill of the horror flicks.
To prove my love, I like to say I’d dig ditches for someone. Maybe I should switch it every once in awhile and let them know I’d also suck the venom out of their ankle.
Picture the scene: Grade 1. 6 years old. Parents allowed me to watch “Arachnophobia”.
For several months afterward, I couldn’t go to the washroom alone, for fear of hordes of spiders emerging from the toilet,sink,bathtub, etc. To this day, 21 now, I still have a crazy big fear of spiders.
Awesome. Is this real? I want to see it.
And tell me you have seen Chandi Chowk to China. I want to see it so bad.
That reminds me…..I watched this really bad movie in the 80s where these cockroach like bugs would crawl inside ppl’s ears and they would catch on fire (the people) but no-one else remembers it and I am now wondering if I dreamed it. I remember sleeping with my ears covered for ages and always checking the phone receiver for bugs before putting it near my ear.
LOL ‘suckle you to safety’ – love it!
I’m pretty sure Josh wouldn’t mind sucking leg-venom out of me, but the idea is still terrifying. Have I mentioned my bizarre fear of injuries around my ankles?
Think of it this way: you now have some definite criteria! “I’m not looking for a fling, I want a man who loves me enough to suck venom out of my ankle if I get bitten by a snake.” If you get an odd look, DTMFA. If he laughs or says “well obviously,” then you’ve got a winner!
There aren’t real vemon-sucking-heroes out there…you shouldn’t be looking for them.
Salem’s Lot scared the crap out of me!
Snakes scare the bejeesus out of me too… And spiders…
I’m not looking for a venom sucking hero though… I’m looking for a guy who wears big boots, and isn’t afraid to kill small insects for me – they’re harder to find than you’d think, most guys are too metro to wear boots these days.
Hmmm. If you wanted, I’d probably suck on your ankles whether you got bitten by a snake or not !! 😀
(grrr. Just saw comment by Peter Parkour, above)
@ Bird on the wire: I don’t wear boots (especially not cowboy boots) but it’s not because I’m ‘metro’…I just do things in sneakers that other people use boots for 🙂
You have just given me material in case I decide to write a personal ad: “In the unfortunate event you should be attacked by a cobra, I will gladly suck the poison off” 🙂
I was scared by zombie movies – I still know all the best escape routes out of the house.
But my favourite “horror” moment involving a movie was going to see Ghostbusters at the theatre with my parents and sister. Allison was maybe 6 at the time and she screamed her bloody head off when the Stay Puffed marshmallow man came crashing into view.
She screamed so much my mum had to take her out of the theatre and miss the rest of the movie. 😀 I found it very amusing.
“peek a boo” that is what I’m referring to it from now on…hysterical. 😉 Have a peek a boo kind of weekend!
I do remember this and it is so true! Neat blog…I stumbled on to you from Otto Man.
“What if he doesn’t suckle me to safety?” BAHAHAHAHAHA, heeee-heeeee… suckle you to safety! You are a nut- I love you! Ha! Ha! Ha! LOL!
Romi, my love! I’ve missed you!
Apparently I missed your last post on your old blog. No wonder my Reader wasn’t showing any new posts from you.
I hope you can forgive me.
“Venom-sucking love” doesn’t occur at least until well into marriage hun! In the beginning, love is always about ME….for both parties. “What are you going to do for me? How are you going to make ME feel?” It takes time to learn that ‘giving’ is where love truly begins. First, one has to learn to appreciate all those qualities you discover about your mate later in the relationship. The ones that if you let them, would drive you crazy….so instead you build an appreciation for their positive aspects, a true ‘love’ (if you will) where you would be willing to risk death for this person that has come to mean so much to you. (I think it is something about deciding what drives you crazy isn’t worse than being without them….or something like that.)
But finding the guy in the first place??? Well, that’s all about OUR needs, that’s not love. It’s like finding someone whose ‘faults’ match up with our faults…..or has traits you can live with, instead of ‘pushing you over the edge!’
What was it they said in that movie “Sleepless in Seattle”?? “Annie, when you’re attracted to someone, it just means that your subconscious is attracted to their subconscious, subconsciously. So what we think of as fate is just two neuroses knowing that they are a perfect match.”
And it’s true. Speaking as a middle age woman, who has been married to one man all of my life…..and the journeys we have evolved through. It was all about me in the beginning. And now I would walk thru fire (or a forest full of cobras) for this man. And the best part is I know he would for me too. Without a second thought. But it took ‘living’ and ‘building our moments’ of commitment to one another to get here.
So in the meantime, look for someone who has similar values, and you both are attracted to one another….hence the ‘neuroses’ thing, whose yucky traits don’t drive you crazy, and who makes your toes curl during sex. In time, you will build “venom-sucking love”, I have no doubt of it!
Hmm, if a guy can suck that hard, he’s gay.
Michael: wow…they did that in cowboy movies too? But of course I should’ve known that, based on the fact that Bollywood observes movie-plots etc. in Hollywood films before using them in their own movies, haha 😉
Pure Evyl: aww…come on, don’t tell me the cute Meg Ryan of old (i.e. Sleepless in Seattle days) freaks you out…she’s as cute as a button! 😉
Peter Parkour: *GASP*! Well I’m sorry, I only invite that kind of behaviour from friends if there’s a “safety reason” involved, haha 😉
jcow81: just tell me you gave your hands a thorough wash before you came back, that’s all I need to know, hahaha 😉
PS: oh, no, no, no…you were forced into watching “On the Line”? I heard that was even worse than “Crossroads” starring Britney Spears…*shudder*
teeni: as a grown up, I LOVE the thrill of horror movies now! I don’t even mind gore, and I can even watch them at home in the dark when I’m alone (though of course I would prefer a cuddle-buddy, haha 😉 )
douglas: variety in noble acts of bravery is key; switch it up maybe once-a-month, just to keep your bravery looking fresh and shiny 😉
Kerplar: oh my gosh, you were made to watch that move when you were six!??!?! I watched it when I was a teen and it freaked me out; though I am very okay with killing spiders around the house…only because other people won’t, so the alternative to them breeding and multiplying is me being tough and killing them all…sigh…a thankless job!
bronsonfive: it is definitely real, but I wish I knew the name! And I have seen tons of posters for “Chandi Chowk to China” but have not actually seen it…some real babes in it if the poster is any indication…you’ll enjoy it! 🙂
GYL: PLEASE go on imdb or somewhere to find out if this movie is real, because I am cautiously wondering if you dreamed it all up, hahaha 😉
Em: I don’t know anything about this bizarre fear of ankle injuries; my best friend spent most of high school being afraid of potential wrist-injuries, and wore long sleeves a lot because of it (ya I’m talking about you if you read this! 😉 ), but i haven’t heard of a foot equivalent…
PS: I am still waiting for the “yeah obviously”, but I am also afraid to ask the question, haha 😉
morethananelectrician: well excuse me Mr. Party-Pooper, but unless you’ve met every single man on the earth (and if you have please show me a record of this), how do you know that such men don’t exist? So no need to be such a buzz-kill on my blog!!
Bird on the Wire: yeah….I don’t think I lean towards guys who are into wearing big-boots as a regular thing…not that I prefer “metro guys”…I just can’t picture the “jeans + boots” look, haha 🙂
B. Smith: wow, look at these ankle-lovin’ dudes on my blog! Is it me or is it an overall ankle-fetish you guys have? (haha 😉 )
Duffboy: you write that in your ad and the babes will be lining up, trust me 😉
ramblelicious: the part that freaked ME out from the Ghostbusters was the ghost lady in the library at the beginning….won’t ever forget that scene!
PS: your poor sis, and also, poor everyone else in the theatre! Hahaha… 😉
sammy25: but they were really playing “peek-a-boo!” And no my weekend has not been very “peek-a-boo” like thus far…hope yours has been! 😉
goodbadandugly2: I’m glad I’m not crazy, and thanks for reading! 🙂
Javaqueen: you know I write the crazy lines just for you..you know that right? 😉
Daddy Dan: I was wondering where the hell you’ve been! Hahaha…of course I forgive you, sorry my new blog got lost, but now that you’ve found it, hope you enjoy it! 🙂
Soapbox Diva: wow…thanks for visiting and also for taking the time to write such a long and wisdom-rich comment! 🙂
PS: I so remember that line from Sleepless in Seattle, and I know what you mean about attraction and similar values first…but in today’s world of technology (cough*Internet*cough), not meeting someone in that conventional way almost builds up like this other type of affection that exists on some other plane, and is completely reliant on a mental/emotional connection, with no purely physical connection, because none has been established yet…not the type of thing from which venom-sucking-love emerges, but the kind of thing where you wonder what meeting will mean…like will it mean starting at phase one…or skipping a whole bunch of “me, me, me” steps? Hmm…I guess there is only one way to find out, but thanks for the perspective! 🙂
Anja: okay….holy crap…I never thought of it that way…suddenly this qualification is seeming like a bit of a catch-22!
GYL – I believe you. I saw the same damn movie at the drive in when I was about 15. Now you can sleep peacefully tonight.
Romi- Oh, I was one weird kid. Scary movies didn’t shake me. You know what did? Movies about Satan. I remember Watching the Exorcist around age 9 … oh my gog!!! Still gets my vote for scariest movie ever.
I wandered over here from TB’s blog. Hi.
The only movie that has ever scared me wasn’t even a scary movie. It was The Doors. With Val Kilmer. I was in third grade. I had the flu really badly one weekend, so because I couldn’t go anywhere, my mom and her boyfriend decided to rent movies. My mom said it would be okay to watch it with us, we’d seen nudity before. But she did not take into account the fact that I was completely delirious with fever, so some of the parts (such as the part where he sets the house on fire with Meg Ryan trapped in the closet) would have the same effect as a bad LSD trip on me. I had nightmares for weeks about being set on fire in a closet, and still to this day, I can’t watch it.
Romi- well, I am quite a ‘leg-man’, and I once met a woman whom I thought had the most GORGEOUS feet, although I’d never had any kind of foot-fetish, before or since. (She was married, alas, so the relationship was unfulfilled. sigh.)
I think in the male mind, you can make just about part of the female anatomy sexy (providing, of course, you are heterosexual. Maybe even if not, I don’t know…)
There is definitely something about sucking on a woman’s ankle, at the base of a long, shapely leg, and perhaps she’s wearing some sexy shoes, as well? As she lies in the roadside dust, in distress and awaiting rescue—do you seriously think that wouldn’t sound sexy to just about ANY typically horny, straight guy??? Sheesh ! 😛
The scariest movie I’ve ever seen is “The Ring”–mainly because of the videotape that kills everyone who watches it. But “The Ring” is one of the best-made films I’ve ever seen–and one of my all time favorites! It will be a while before I watch it again, though!