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According to my Indian roots, my heart is simply a “ticker”, since love itself has little to do with transactional unions of the families (and loins).
So my heart started off with nothing to do…I never had to feel and I never had to lose.
What a great robotic plan, but by 1989, it had already fallen off the rails…
…He belonged to an acting troupe from the local high school, a sixteen-year-old man with sandy hair. And me? I was only eight…but I loved him (sick?).
Now before you decide that I’m fickle with the “L” word, let me explain how it all went down.
His acting troupe was visiting our school not only to teach us the basics of drama, but to practice the play they’d be performing at our school. He stood out to me the most, because I couldn’t see both his eyes. In fact his hair covered half his face like a silky curtain.
But I’m not fickle with the “L” word, remember? So even with his silky curtain of hair, he hadn’t won me yet.
It was when he touched me, that’s when I really fell (sick?). It happened because we were doing this drama warm-up, where we’d run around the room with arms waving up and down, pretending we were giant birds. His hand flicked my arm as he flew right past. And that was the touch that sealed it. Love.
In between the weekly classroom visits, I would really start to miss my hair-curtain-man. Life seemed pretty drab, but then I discovered his hideout place. Well it wasn’t exactly a hideout, it was the library (where the troupe would go for rehearsals).
And that’s where I needed to be…
…It wasn’t difficult to run out of class in elementary school; I simply told the teacher that a “poop attack ” was coming. Once I had escaped with “poop pass” in hand, I ran to the opposite end of the school…
…Our library had a special little cove in the corner. It was perfect for a quiet read, and that’s exactly where the troupe was rehearsing. In order to get a good view, I positioned myself in the corner that housed all the dusty jars. Ths jars were full to the brim with murky liquid and pickled animal parts. I’m still not sure what a child can learn from a cow’s tongue in a jar, but there it was. So I sat at the table, pretending to focus on what looked to be a hoof in a jar.
My plan was to stumble upon their rehearsal, offer myself as an audience, and cheer at my man’s exquisite lines.
It was a fabulous plan, until of course the miserable librarian approached me. I played it off like I was busy with some research, but her silver hair and lumpy-skirted butt were not playing games. As soon as she saw my five-minute poop pass, she knew that something wasn’t right.
“What’s your name?!”, screeched her wretched voice.
She didn’t know my name? Ha! I ran straight back to class like I’d robbed a bank. By the time I returned, fifteen minutes had passed since my initial absence. The teacher offerered me a sympathetic gaze, as if she knew that my butt was feeling raw from an explosive exodus.
And then I didn’t see my hair-curtain-man for a week. I was sad but excited, since the night of his big performance had arrived. My parents didn’t like the idea of their child hanging out at school after dark, so I told them I would lose a lot of marks if I didn’t go (ha)…
…A lot of the girls wore dresses, so I looked a little different in my multi-coloured “short-shorts” (whatever, shorts-shorts are a whole lot hotter than a dress).
And the play began…I spent five minutes wondering where my hair-curtain-man had gone, only to discover that his curtain of hair was tucked inside a pirate hat (and golly, the man had a really nice face!).
…As the play concluded, everyone stood on their tippy-toes and cheered. And then…well then it was time to head on home.
The truth is, I never had a plan for me and the hair-curtain-man. I simply loved him, and trusted that my feelings would create some kind of night together…or a future where I could prance around in a wedding dress.
But in fact it was nearly bedtime, so I just went home, and I never saw the silky hair-curtain-man again.
I guess that’s the shitty thing regarding weird-ass, illogical, childhood crushes. They never go anywhere, and when they do, the police seem to get involved.
And that’s why having feelings when you’re a kid is a waste of heart.
Thank goodness I’m almost twenty-eight now, and know EXACTLY how to use my heart to get some love.
Thank goodness! (please pretend you never read my old blog….thank you)
When the “L-word” is involved, some kind of crap (poop) always foils a good plan…
Oh…you had a blog before this one?
I had a crush on my young drama teacher too, but I was in high school and it could have gone somewhere (still involving police, I was only 14).
I fainted during class for some reason and the first thing I saw was his handsome face all anxious and worried. It was pretty sweet.
But he had a super-hot girlfriend so I was SOL on that one.
If you are interested, you can probably still locate him. If he was a burgeoning actor in 1989 that would mean that by now he’s either a recurring regular on Corner Gas, a extra on Degrassi or an assistant manager at Blockbuster Video.
It’s not exact, but it is a lead. Follow your dreams my friend, follow your dreams.
Thanks for the post
I would pass girls in class and instantly think they were talking/staring at me because I was so damn cool (Which of course I wasn’t). I still find myself doing it now even though Ive come to realize Im loony for even thinking it.
Even though our childhood romances never really go anywhere, it was always really easy to get over it back then. I mean, we had little to no expectations, so a failure was just another insignificant event. As “grown ups” we tend to take failure harder.
God I miss being a kid sometimes! 😛
“Thank goodness I’m almost twenty-eight now, and know EXACTLY how to use my heart to get some love.”
A really short skirt, some killer heels and a low cut top works well, too. 😉
All childhood romance stories should have murky jars, full of viscous fluid and cow tongues, as secondary characters. It grounds things nicely.
Ha, i don’t think I’ve ever smiled so much. I remember always having a crush on a boy in a higher grade than me, but never did I show such ingenuity as to ask for a “poop pass” to see those that filled my little diaries up with thoughts of love.
Aw, so sweet 🙂
Okay, I laughed out loud when I got to “the police get involved.” 😀
Surprised: To read that Indian culture assigns love and the heart minimal roles in life.
Not Surprised: Young Romi used [implied] poop to her advantage.
Question: Did your school’s passes actually specify #1 or #2? 🙂 hahahahaha
Hair curtain boy was too old for you anyway. Imagine, he’d be almost middle-aged by now!
The teacher offerered me a sympathetic gaze, as if she knew that my butt was feeling raw from an explosive exodus.
Miss Romi, I cannot determine who is better with descriptions of scatalogical functions…you or Laurie Kendrick.
If it wouldn’t be misinterpreted as some invitation to view German pron, I’d invite the two of you for an evening of discussion…
I had a similar thing going when I was about eight. I fell for this chick in our church who had boobies, which at eight was a rare commodity. (she was in her early teens) One day when my family was visiting theirs, I snuck upstairs and ran in the bathroom while she was taking a shower. It was one of those showers with the glass doors. I got my ass beat red for that little stunt but I learned a few important lessons along the way.
1 – Steam pretty much always sucks.
2 – I’m a total horndog, and I don’t really give a fuck who knows it.
hehee .. i think we all had them kinda crushes as kids. but when i was eight, we played with checkers and used them as “money” for when we had to go to the doctor . . . *shrugs*
specified one or two .. heheh, that David.
I don’t know if they have the same TV commercials in other countries, but when you wrote that your dream-guy was wearing a pirate hat during the play, I had this mental image of the guy from the ‘Free Credit Report Dot Com’ commercial. (you can see it on youtube, if it’s not aired in Canada) And I almost pooped laughing.
“And that’s why having feelings when you’re a kid is a waste of heart.”
Should read: “And that’s why having feelings when you’re a kid or an adult is a waste of heart.”
Too much of my heart was wasted during both elementary and high school. At least I didn’t have an actual butt exodus, like a friend of mine did: we were in gym, then the nasty smell arose. Poor dude, he got a nasty nickname all through graduation. Still, I’m the one who’s still single, and he’s been dating the same girl for a year now. Should I have had a butt exodus as well?
morethananelectrician: what…? A blog? Before? I had no such thing 🙂
rambleicious: haha yeah, but yours was close to not involving police so you could have held out a couple years!!!
PS: and the high school thing always kind of reminds me of that movie “Never Been Kissed” (which I love!!!), except she was ONLY pretending to be a teenager…sigh…Michael Vartan… 😉
Ram: hahaha 🙂 , you gotta love how burgeoning actors would’ve ended up on anyone of Corner Gas, Degrassi (Next Generation) or “video store manager”. Or what about “Battlestar Galactica” too? Not sure if that is Canadian, but it always seems to have Canadians on it (shit…why do I even know that??)
Kerplar: I would always think that about myself too (even though I had unplucked eyebrows and a “moderate to heavy” moustache… 🙂 🙂 🙂
omegaradium: yeahhhhhhhhhhh….I suppose we got over it fast, except it’s 19 years after this one and I’m still dweling on it, hahaha 😉
Anja: yeah that’s a good combo, except I wore heeled boots to work a couple weeks ago, and the entire day guys were looking at me funny ’cause I was at eye level or taller than them, and then they were asking me if I was an ex-WNBA basketball star….what the hell!?!?!?!
A.J. Valiant: HAHAHAHA…ohh those murky jars and viscous liquids…I thought the “hoof” in a jar was a pretty good secondary character as well, didn’t you? 😉
Shweta: thank you for saying that, and welcome to my crazy world! 🙂
PS: I still find that “poop passes” can get you wherever you need to go in the fastest time possible..lol 😉
GYL: ah yes…isn’t illegial infatuation the sweetest? 😉
Taoist Biker: but seriously, the coppers always go and rain on people’s parades…wet-blanket-central!!!! (lol 😉 )
David: oh let me clarify sweet Dave, the love and heart are still integral in Indian culture, just not in the “romantic sense”…as in, love and adulation for parents, in-laws, bad movies, etc, etc 😉
And as for the passes, they didn’t specify #1 or #2 in words ’cause a lot of young kids were slow readers, but they were however specified by “pictures”…HAHAHAHAHA…ewww! 😉
PS: indeed, poop (implied) is my favourite medium to work in… 😉
Nigel: don’t worry I wouldn’t make that kind of implication, and honestly getting the chance to pick at her insanely funny brain would be an awesome opportunity! 🙂
Josh: that’s why you gotta sneak into the shower as early as possible…before the steam collects! 😉
PS: and on point two, umm yeah, and I’m pretty sure I’m the female version of that…lol 😉
Red: hahaha…I loved the checkers-currency thing, we used playing cards as money before we got Monopoly 😉
PS: so glad you’re okay and back! 🙂
B Smith: commercials are usually different but since we get American channels we get all the US commercials…but since we got a PVR at our house I rarely see commercials anymore 😉 …so I may have to youtube that afterall!!
bronsonfive: well you know…I wasn’t trying to be depressing….but…yeah, it’s pretty much true for grown ups as well (or at least the jury is still out, haha…)
Duffboy: I think there is a very strong connection to having an ACTUAL “exodus” and being in a long-term relationship…why don’t you try out Part A and see if Part B happens??? 😉
The poop-love ratio… hadn’t thought of that one. You’re certainly the gal with a bunch of answers 🙂
It’s not sick at all! I’ve had crushes on older women (especially my teachers) all my life!