Confessions of a Chick in Paris

Confessions of a Chick in Paris

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Rip Out Heart, Earn Robot Wings…Or Not?

May 2, 2010 , , , , , , ,

I have a bone to pick, with greeting cards…society…and modern science.

I know, that’s a whole lot of picking, but I only write a blog post once a week.

Let’s try a scenario (purely theoretical, of course): if I felt a sudden urge to never feel emotions ’cause they’re more bad than good, what would I do?

I’d eliminate the source.

In other words, I’d make a Tin-Man out of me.  According to The Wizard of Oz, greeting cards, and every cut-out Valentine you ever received as a child, the emotions reside directly in the heart.

So I just need a surgery to cut out my heart, right?

Wrong.

My heart is this slimy, odd-shaped organ which actually keeps me alive. No one has ever pulled emotions out of heart surgery. In fact, according to my mandatory high school Biology class, emotions reside within the folds and lasagna-looking layers called the brain.

But where exactly, and how do I remove this disturbance?

No one in the world will acknowledge this requested surgery, and still today, any time I walk through a greeting card store, all signs point to “heart” as the center of emotions. A perfectly symmetrical cartoon heart, sometimes with an arrow through it too.

Aside from the fact that an arrow through your heart would leave you dead versus  swooning in love, why is this mockery of science still accepted, in May 2010?

(And where is the proof that a naked boy with a giant butt named Cupid actually exists? I’d like to see that…)

Who even stated that the heart is the place for “emotions”?

It was a Roman scientist named Galen, in like 100 A.D. (the Ancient Egyptians may have thought it too, but they did tons of awesome stuff, so let’s just leave them alone).

Guess what other things humans thought between 100 A.D. and now: that the earth is flat, that this flat-ass earth is the center of the universe, and that unprotected sex is no biggie.

So if science can refute all of that, why won’t it demand for the destruction of  every single Valentine’s card on earth? Replacements are required, and I’m no poet or artist, but I’m thinking of a message like “You Stole My Brain, Dear Valentine”, complete with the appropriate “hunk of brain” image.

Yes?

Because it’s either that, or the earth really is a flat planet…we just can’t have it both ways!

I doubt I can right what’s wrong in the world, and I don’t even know if I have time for such a feat. I’m too busy wondering if science is a lie and symbolism is actually right. What if my emotions really are in my heart? It does beat faster when I feel anything important.  And is the earth really flat, for all intents and purposes? I mean I’m standing here now and nothing looks the slightest bit round.

And what if there’s other stuff…we haven’t even thought about yet? Like I can see through my eyeballs which is all well and good, but what if that’s because of my eyeBROWS, which send a transmission to my pupils? Science never told me that, but Science also lets the idea of the “heart” persist. And on that eyebrow note, what if I’m damaging my future vision, with the societal need to groom my bushy brows? (no wonder I never needed glasses in the “pre-pluck” teenage years). And what if (oh my god, epiphany coming up)…what if it was actually some evil mad scientist, who discovered the significance of brows, and right at that moment decided all women should groom? He knew it would erode our vision, which is precisely why women choose mates for “personality”, at least ten times more a day than men choose women for the same.

Holy crap, and fuck you scientist.

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comments

Awww Romi. Somebody needs a gweat big HUG!! And maybe some cardiac compressions. Or some ice cream, enough for a brain freeze! Science is obviously not going to be of any help here. I recommend pure distraction. Or how about some yoga? Gardening? Bicycling? Corn Nuts Chips? Alcoholic crying jags are not recommended, though one might be a little cathartic.

David

May 3, 2010

Day by day! And I swear, sometimes the more you find out, the better it makes you feel, because it re-affirms how you were ALWAYS so much better than you gave yourself credit for 😉

Romi

May 9, 2010

I ♥ that reply Romi!

David

May 10, 2010

Oil can…..oil can.

and by the way…i have no doubt that you are the female version of me after reading this blog.

The Burg

May 3, 2010

hahaha…that’s so cool! There’s a man-me!!! 😀

Romi

May 9, 2010

I’m going with Dr. Sheldon Cooper’s suggestion that, in the spirit of the original St. Valentine, every year we should go with our significant others to witness a violent murder.

Taoist Biker

May 3, 2010

I would find such an activity to be highly stimulating! 🙂

Romi

May 9, 2010

Despite what basic biology/anatomy & physiology classes tell you, it’s proven fact that the heart actually contains clusters of neurons just like your brain.

Thats right! Your heart as an independent nervous system from which our emotions are believed to actually stem from and reside in. Thats why simply remembering a bad memory/experience can make your “heart hurt” emotionally.

If the brain truly controlled the heart, then explain why the heart of a fetus starts beating before the brain is even developed?

The heart is a wonderful thing, despite it’s ability destroy my/our world due to heartbreak.

Omega

May 3, 2010

“The heart is a wonderful thing, despite it’s ability destroy my/our world due to heartbreak.”…preach it!!!! 😉

Romi

May 9, 2010

I never every quite know what to comment here. sigh. But keep posting! even if once a week. { I♥U }

IdeaJump!

May 3, 2010

that is actually the sweetest comment though! And just knowing that you read is quite sweet, thank you! 🙂

Romi

May 9, 2010

Hate shopping for greeting cards! Oh, and love the sidebar pic…or at least…love the angle of the pic!

dobeman

May 6, 2010

LOL…you freak! 😉

Romi

May 9, 2010

I think science invented http://www.someecards.com I think you will appreciate their rhetoric during this troubling hour, my friend.

Duffboy

May 6, 2010

aww…I actually have seen some of those and they always brought me a smile, thanks for the reminder! 😀

Romi

May 9, 2010

I’m probably reading too much into this, but here’s a big, warm, fuzzy hug for you (()).

Bisi

Bisi Adjapon

May 6, 2010

the big warm fuzzy hug is a welcome treat, thank you! 🙂

Romi

May 9, 2010

“You stole my brain…” the only problem with that would be the fact that we’re not using our brains when we’re in love! (There’s a bumper sticker: I THINK, THEREFORE I’M SINGLE!)

Seriously, this is one of the most original, provocative posts I’ve ever read, not just on your blog–but any blog! Your once-a-week posts prove the superiority of quality over quantity!

Scott

May 19, 2010

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