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Today I’m generally annoyed, so I’ll direct my outrage at humans (yes, that’s you). Don’t feel scared, ’cause it’s a good kind of outrage, focused on the following: we don’t give ourselves enough credit!
I’m not referring to inventions or voluminous hair, but it’s the everyday expressions we use, where humans always lose out on the hype!
You might think I’ve gone mad, but hold on a minute ‘cause your brainwaves are about to get rocked.
Take this expression, for example: “like a well oiled-machine.” People use it all the time to describe something that’s functioning well, but I shake my head in dismay. WE are the masters of machines, we should be our OWN simile! So instead I say: “Things are running great, like a healthy man-boy with six-percent body fat.”
Okay then, that one’s fixed, what else?
Oh yeah, this one: “I’m so hungry I could eat a horse.” First of all, people don’t eat horses (do they?), so how are they suddenly the prized grade-A meat? Or maybe we’re saying we’re so desperate we could eat a horse? Well that’s wrong too. When you’re at your hungriest, your love for food is at its zenith, which means you should be paying tribute to the best of the best. And last time I checked…humans were the top of the food chain. So we fix the expression like this: “I’m so hungry I could eat all the children in the playground.” (I went with the young stuff, since most people prefer lamb over mutton…am I wrong?).
Third one, and seriously, what the hell is up with this: “fit as a fiddle.” In my experience, this one’s usually used to describe how “in shape” a person is, or at least that’s how I’ve heard it used most. To which I say….huh? I’m pretty sure I’d have a tough time getting banged if I was shaped like a violin and covered in varnish. And it’s not quite what I picture when I work out at the gym. So here’s a solution with a special human reference: “Hey Romi, have you been working out? You look as fit as Daniel Craig’s forearm.” That’s a little weird too, because I probably don’t want my whole body to look like a forearm, but he’s human, he’s hot, and I wanted to mention him. So there.
It’ll take me longer to fix all the wayward similes, but you can help too if something comes to mind—we can do this if we all work together!
(and people said I wouldn’t change the world…)
Horse. It’s What’s for Dinner.
hmm…I think I’ll be skipping dinner then! 😉
Romi. Write. Crazy. Wayward similes: LOL! I know there’s a difference between similes and clichés, but for the purposes of my commentary, I’m treating them as identical. Vermonter told me recently to “avoid clichés like the plague”. I’m taking her advice, but this post still made me laugh.
A coworker of mine uses lots of clichés and recently uttered one that made me chuckle. Because you’re so special, I’ll share it with you. Maybe you or one of your readers can shed some light on it. It was new to me.
So that’s where the monkey hid the onion!
That sounds like a slutty monkey, and I can’t figure out another way around it 😉
Funny examples. Three sheets to the wind is my fav.
Can you use that in a sentence please? Haha…I actually HAVE heard that before at some point, but cannot figure out how it would be used…I wonder what the human version would be..hmm…
I’ve had the chance to review “Romi. Write. Crazy.” and I’m very happy I did. You are doing a wonderful job and I appreciate the effort you put into this blog.
I’d like to offer my congratulations as your blog has been added to the Blogging Women directory.
I created Blogging Women to showcase the wonderful world of blogs created by women and I’m pleased to be adding another quality blog to our directory.
Keep up the good work and watch for our monthly contest to have your blog listed in our “Featured Blogs” section.
Thanks for the review and addition to your site! 🙂
one of my fave’s is “..and Bob’s your uncle!” this usually denotes something simple and easy 🙂 this is a popular one with my neice and nephew since my brother’s nick name is Bob!!
hmm…maybe then, that one doesn’t need a human version because it already sounds human…and so…wow, a very evolved example! 😉
I love this line: “Things are running great, like a healthy man-boy with six-percent body fat.”
I wish more people would say that. Just picturing it would excite me.
I’ll probably say that at least once a week now, whether or not it is applicable 😉
haha, thanks, mission accomplished! 😉
Okay, Romi, you’re certifiable, but I admit this one works though nightmarish: being hungry enough to eat kids, yikes!!!
I am indeed certifiable, just don’t tell the medical professionals 😉
I second the love for “Things are running great, like a healthy man-boy with six-percent body fat.”
(Plus, do you know where I can get one of those?? hee hee)
I heard they are rent-able, but still cautiously searching for more details, haha 😉
Top of the mornin’ to you Romi! I hate to let the cat out of the bag but this post was just the bees’ knees. You gotta lot crust bringng up these expressions and I’m sure a few people won’t see eye to eye with you about them. But they won’t understand your side until they walk a mile in your shoes. So let them agree to disagree and move on. Loved the post gurl! 😉 Have a fab weekend!
hahahaha….that was the best comment ever (and WTF do bees even have knees?!?!?! 😉 )