Confessions of a Chick in Paris

Confessions of a Chick in Paris

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Grateful Moment #10: Head Lice Is Curable!

January 10, 2011 , , , , , , , ,

If head lice didn’t have a cure, I’m not sure what I would’ve done in university.

There I was, pretending to follow along in a lecture on Canadian law, when I felt a little tingle in my scalp. A few tingles later and I knew I had a visitor. Naturally, I began to forage around with my index finger and thumb. A few seconds passed and I pulled out a brown wriggly bug. Indeed, actual lice bugs laying their eggs in my hair, during an afternoon lecture of Canadian law.

I was baffled. I mean it’s not like I’d been spending my nights with immigrants who had bypassed the de-lousing station.

So how does a grown-up get head lice?

Notwithstanding the possibility that I’d tunneled through a pile of garbage during a sleepwalking expedition, it was beyond any explanation.

I didn’t have time to worry about the “how”, because instead my brain was fogged with illogical fears. In fact the second I crushed the first bug I imagined a million more, and a world where I would never be cured. I imagined head lice as the new millennium’s AIDS. Maybe not fatal in this case, but definitely the cause for benefit concerts (and a reason for U2 to get on stage).

If head lice wasn’t fatal in this imaginary world without a cure, the earth’s greatest fear would be expansion unto others. Which would explain my brand new lifestyle in a plastic bubble. My parents would visit from time-to-time, but even they’d grow tired of watching me wave hello amidst a playpen of brown crawly things.

During this unfathomable ordeal, I would somehow manage to find and secure a boyfriend. Maybe he liked the idea of his woman being trapped in a cage, or maybe he liked the way I sexily scratched my hair (and yes I refused to buzz my hair off despite the disease…I covet my locks). He could touch me by sticking his arm through those protective “glove arms.” I would regard it as an adequate level of caressing, but let’s be honest…I’ve had better.

And that would be my life; never allowed to soak up the sun, never permitted to go out for ice cream, having to wait until the last Harry Potter movie came out on DVD…a living hell.

Yes, that would be my life, IF there wasn’t a cure for head lice.

Instead there is harsh shampoo and that tiny but efficient lice-bug comb. Instead, the twenty-year-old version of me in real life cured her head-lice within a week, and never told a single soul…until now of course, and to the awkward reaction of you all.

So maybe my dirty little secret has ruined my reputation, but I sacrificed myself for YOU, to teach you that head lice is not the worst thing in the world. A cure is as easy as one-two-three, and if the pharmacist who hands you the shampoo seems like the judging type, simply bash his face in by the dumpster when his shift is over.

So let’s re-cap: Don’t tell ANYONE, physically assault a pharmacist if necessary,  shampoo hard, and don’t forget to burn your sheets.

You’re welcome.

Also, please don’t tell anyone I told you this.

Thanks.

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comments

Hah. Did you touch a child? Children spread lice.

It’s not like it’s VD. I mean it doesn’t mean you are dirty. Lice actually prefer clean hair over dirty hair. If you were dirty with oily hair, you’d probably got less lice than someone with shiny clean hair.

I’m glad you are cured.

tirzah

January 10, 2011

well thanks for reminding me it’s not like VD, phewf! 😉

Romi

January 24, 2011

Hey, one of my very good friends is a pharmacist. Please don’t bash his face in. although, I highly doubt he’d be judgmental of anyone’s drug selections/needs. Actually- if he does appear judgmental, please bash his face in and let me know about it so I can, too!

rachelhamm

January 10, 2011

ok so I will check in with your good friend the pharmacist and see if he needs to get his face bashed in. Thanks 🙂

Romi

January 24, 2011

Hey Romi, the timing of your post is really ironic. I just cleaned my kid from head lice. It was a nightmare. It took me one week of combing him twice a day after the treatment. I also checked myself and my other kid every day. I had to wash everything in hot water and dry on high. Lots of work… We are all clean. Whew! Do you think you got it on public transit? I’m so terrified now.

Seta Elbekian

January 10, 2011

that does not sound like fun AT ALL, and back then I wasn’t taking public transit, so was it simply gross me? Haha 😉

Romi

January 24, 2011

I’ve never had head lice, but it’s good to know there’s such a cure–for future reference!

You have a way of turning even the most awkward situations into the most enjoyable writings!

Scott

January 10, 2011

If my headlice awkwardness can be another person’s enjoyment, then that is some kind of victory 🙂

Romi

January 24, 2011

Gosh Romi, the more I read of you here the more impressed I am with your can-do attitude and your god-given common sense. And your beautiful hair of course.

As much as I would love to hear Bono screaming Lousy you … lousy me, some day soon we will ALL BE FREE! with Adam’s driving bass in back, it’s a good thing that the little bugs left you alone until young adulthood. The elementary school staffers can make a traumatically embarrassingly HUMONGOUS deal out of these tiny little insects. Even worse than poor kids with diarrhea! OMG.

Don’t worry, I won’t tell a soul!

David

January 11, 2011

I also had diarrhea and blogged about it as you may recall….hmm, I’ve left few awkward stones unturned, haven’t I? 😉

Romi

January 24, 2011

Never had it & I pray to god I never will.

The Girl from the Ghetto

January 19, 2011

I will pray the same for you 😉

Romi

January 24, 2011

I had lice once…no fun there. I guess it is a good thing in a way. The doctor said that lice like clean hair so you are at least clean. haha

Nathan Marcello Rotunda

February 27, 2011

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