You can scroll the shelf using ← and → keys
You can scroll the shelf using ← and → keys
Aside from enriching the average kid’s life, snow is essential in making a date go from “average” to “Hey a tattoo parlour! I love you so much I’ll get a tramp-stamp of your face!”
Face-portrait tramp-stamps and everlasting love. All thanks to snowballs.
If you don’t believe me then go back in time, and you’ll remember that special snowy date. The kind where the snowball fight led to laughs, yelps, adrenalin, and a make-out/tackle in the snow.
What on earth aside from snowballs enables so much dating magic? What do people do in places where there isn’t any snow? They just have shittier dates, I think. Or maybe they find something else to throw. Olives? Rocks? Wine glasses? Perhaps, but I doubt a “shards of glass” fight would end with a romantic twist.
So assuming that people in places like Cali have shitty dates and that’s how it will always be, what about the rest of us? The ones who rely on sexy snowballs to step up our game? What would we do if this global warming “rumour” came to life?
It would be like that time in university, when I fell for an Austrian exchange student, and winter came a bit too late. He had just broken up with his European girlfriend and was terribly distraught. Normally not one to prey upon broken men, I tried to play it nice and easy. I remember leaving a card in his mailbox, with the following inspirational quote: “Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly.” It meant that just because he was feeling like a pile of garbage and no one loved him, eventually he would grow a pair of glittery wings, and fly around the enchanted forest with glee. At least that’s how I wanted him to take it.
I also burnt him a copy of Dido’s “Life For Rent” CD, which was my greatest life’s obsession at the time (aside from his fine European ass). Meanwhile, through our many conversations but no sexy action, I was starting to suspect I was the awkward, small-breasted, and platonic Canadian in his life.
Right around that time I discovered a fellow classmate was trying to bed him, with her offers of late-night “studying.”
I had to make a move.
The following night we were leaving a local coffee house, and I’d offered to drive him home. It hadn’t snowed in a while, but I noticed some of that brown mucky slush on the underside of my car. I packed it into a ball, and just as he turned towards me I whipped it at his face.
I guess the slush ball had been muddier than I thought, for when the dust finally settled, his face was mostly covered in a liquid brown.
He ended up banging that girl and never called me again.
So to those who complain about shoveling snow and dangerous driving, just remember that without a fresh blanket of snow every week, you will probably have shitty dates and die alone like they do in California.
Wow, that was some curveball there Romster. I’m reading along, smiling, and then it’s all curve-slush-mud-ball in the face and lonely death in California. Ouch. Nicely done though. 😀
College love can be so sad. I’ve experienced/inflicted it myself, and seen it played out in the real-life theater of the college where I’ve worked the past decade or so. Bittersweet.
And it doesn’t even matter if you leave college, grown up love can be just as bittersweet! Argh…
Wow, you’ve just given me an idea why I haven’t had a girlfriend here in Pensacola, Florida in over six years–it never snows here! It’s too close to the water (the Gulf of Mexico). It does, however, snow in my hometown of Mobile, Alabama–though once every three years at most. And I remember some pretty romantic moments in the snow there, with different women.
You need to move, haha 😉
Girl, you are so crazy. I like that you went ghetto like that!
And, now you’ve got me fantasizing about an Austrian man and I singing and twirling to The Sound of Music.
HAHAHA…no more Austrians for me, I’m out 😉
Ok, how about the dates here in Central America, where snow is as absent as sanity on Fox News? I wish I could say that girls throw panties or wine glasses, but no, we just throw bad pick-up lines at each other, crossing our fingers in the process 😉
hahahaha…whenever there is a shortage of snow we get showered with bad-pickup lines, they really pile up like a snow storm 😉
[…] If there wasn’t any snow […]