Confessions of a Chick in Paris

Confessions of a Chick in Paris

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Metaphors: The Alternative To Eating Your Feelings

March 28, 2011 , , , , , , , ,

I’ve been involved in all things writing for the last two days. So consider this my epic “projectile vomit finish” to the weekend. We’ve all been there.

So…feelings. What if we could bring them to life in the most accurate imagery that I’m certain you’d all agree with?

Let’s try.

-Falling in love is when two magical unicorns knock at my door. They ask if they can make some romance with each other in front of me. When they do, a rainbow with chocolate truffles sliding down it shoots out of their horns.  An invisible harp provides the soundtrack to it all. Ten kittens appear out of nowhere and snuggle me simultaneously. Wine flows from a tap. Everything smells like the best men’s cologne in the world. The late Mother Theresa shakes my hand and says “well done.” It is bliss.

-Being rejected is when someone tells some other someones that I have the Ebola virus mixed with Mad Cow disease. Then all the “someones” run away from me screaming.  I’m supposed to be exterminated too, but that would mean someone coming near me again.  Which is impossible, because hello, I’m being rejected.  A voice-over on the P.A. instructs me to take a lot of showers and hope for the best.

-Feeling sad is when those kids in Slumdog Millionaire get blinded with the acid, (so they can beg on the streets to make money for their slum pimps), against the soundtrack of “Fix You” by Coldplay.

-Being in denial is a bunch of Indian (holla!) computer programmers living inside your brain. If you should ever feel anything that can’t exist easily in reality, they will type really fast and delete these magical feelings from your brain. But the deleted feelings get sent to the Recycle Bin, and these supposedly smart programmers never “emptied all items” from the bin.  Once you take a search in the Recycle Bin, you’ll meet up with our next friend, regret.

-Experiencing regret is when you have an epic meal at a restaurant. You order appetizers and why not three or four? We can split ’em with the table. Your entree is an even better surprise, and you attack it with the strength of a thousand Ancient Roman soldiers. Your stomach’s at the absolute limit; yeah, it was a pretty good time.  And that’s when the waiter brings you the dessert menu. You’ve never seen such an incredible menu of desserts in your life. It’s everything you could’ve dreamed of in desserts, but wait: you’re already full.  Those desserts are oh so close yet so unattainable, unless you could turn back time to the beginning of the meal, and make some more intelligent choices in your second attempt. But you never can go back, now can you? So you wave the menu away, saying you’ll save room next time, but knowing that you’ll never be back.

-They say the best revenge is living well, and that is absolutely the truth. The visual representation of living well is having the hottest body ever, the coolest car ever (and that’s the most generic statement ever, since I don’t know shit about cars), tons of jewelry from Tiffany’s (if you’re a girl, that is—if you’re a guy, please don’t wear tons of jewelry from Tiffany’s), and a hot new boyfriend or girlfriend. Then you drive past your revengee’s house when they’re out picking up the newspaper in their slippers and ugly pyjamas. And you give ’em the finger. Ha.

Of course…that isn’t MY definition of revenge. I don’t even know if I’m vengeful, really. I just know that for everything in life that never turned out as I’d hoped, I have a chance to exploit the shit out of it…through the arts. I can and I shall, with the strength of a thousand Ancient Roman soldiers. So for a writer or musician or painter, maybe that’s revenge enough… 😉 (I’ll take the hot body too if it’s available though…thanks)

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comments

I love using metaphors…although sometimes I stretch them too much until they don’t make any sense.

Nate

March 28, 2011

There is never a metaphor that has ever been stretched too far, says the girl who loves tangents more than chocolate (almost 😉 )

Romi

April 24, 2011

Stressed is Desserts spelled backwards.
That is all.

geminigirl64

March 28, 2011

Like Chandler Bing said once, “I knew it!”

theduffboy

April 14, 2011

I love anything Chandler Bing says 🙂

Romi

April 24, 2011

Gemini, you just blew my mind 😐 That is all.

Romi

April 24, 2011

I have done that with the desserts!!! Also, I greatly like your love visuals, I’m going to see how many kittens I can get my hands on 😛

Emerald

March 28, 2011

Em, I have seen the love visual come to life, including the unicorn-horn rainbow with truffles sliding down it…mmm! 😀

Romi

April 24, 2011

ive decided. im going to get into shape….ie. I will have a hot body…then, we are going to be roomates in NYC…then, awkwardness will happen you accidentally see my new abs when i come out the shower and you come in to brush your teeth. You wanna talk about feelings? BAM…that just happened. please note this is advance warning for the future….i didn’t have to give you warning…but i did because i “owed you one”

The Burg

March 28, 2011

haha, what a great and awkward advance-warning of the future, but who says MY future visions aren’t the right ones? In which case I’m shacked up with Daniel Craig…haha, but you’re alright too 😉

Romi

April 24, 2011

This is amazing! It’s so surreal–it’s like you’ve tapped into the collective dreams of humanity! The “falling in love” is the most creative, to me–while the “being in denial” is the most accurate!
Your writing is ingenious–I must say I envy you!

Scott

March 29, 2011

Scott, you totally get why I write and what I’m trying to do, and that means a lot, thanks! 🙂

Romi

April 24, 2011

Wow, that really WAS like projectile vomit, but a lot nicer. 😉 (wink 2)

Love the picture of Felicia Day cakin’ out! She is hilarious!

Usually I wax all advicey and shit here, but I think we both know what’s going on here, am I right? Somebody has a milestone birthday just round the corner, don’t they???

David

April 1, 2011

Yay Dave, wink #2! 😉

And yes…you knew exactly what this was all about (double wink, hahaha 😉 🙂 )

What can I say, writing is my therapy!!

Romi

April 24, 2011

I love you Romi.

Greg

April 11, 2011

Greg, I don’t know what prompted you to drop the “L” bomb, but love is the thing, and I’m flattered 🙂

Romi

April 24, 2011

Thank you, Romi, if Fix You wasn’t said enough already, now I have the visual mashup of the blind kids from Slumdog Millionaire… Hugs, Romi-cakes!

theduffboy

April 14, 2011

hahahaha…so sorry about the Slum Dog blind kids/Fix You mash up…but not really 😉

Romi

April 24, 2011

erm…hold on let me read it once again before I comment..

Awakening Tempest

April 15, 2011

uh-oh, did the second reading swallow you up? 😉

Romi

April 24, 2011

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