Confessions of a Chick in Paris

Confessions of a Chick in Paris

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That Weird-Ass Time in Florida…(there are no ass pictures in this post)

May 23, 2011 , , , , , , ,

This was supposed to be a normal human post, recounting my vacation time in Florida. But then I realized: how am I even human in this format? I am a blog-bot, and you don’t know me. YOU DON’T KNOW ME. So a normal vacation re-cap to strangers would be slightly pathetic.

But a WEIRD vacation re-cap?

Why yes strange Internet reader sir (or madam), that you most certainly may have.

Shady-ville
Orlando is a family destination, particularly so within a five-mile radius of Disney World. Nobody does anything after 10pm.

UNLESS…you end up in a bustling wing joint at midnight, while the Lakers are playing the Mavs on the big screen. The woman who was dressed head-to-toe in Lakers gear was more serious than a Canadian Mountie’s face when he’s seriously riding a horse. I went along with the crowd and cheered for the Mavs, not because I like basketball, but only because I wanted to make her feel ridiculous for wearing so much purple. And yellow. She left when she knew the score was hopeless (the Lakers lost, then apparently kept on shitting out terrible basketball for the rest of the playoffs), and probably burned her Lakers clothes whilst still in them. It’s still worse to be a Leafs fan.

I’d also like to mention that this wing joint smelled like cleaning agents used to mop up corpse-residue from corpses that have been corpses long enough to smell like corpses. Mixed with a blue cheese essence. Let that settle in your nostrils for a bit.

Cocoa Beach
This beach in Cape Canaveral was scenic to say the least, but it also had that small-town/down-south American feel to it, which is slightly disconcerting but also hilarious, it you’re seven brown people traveling in a herd. Mostly what I mean is that the people were VERY friendly, but they were also selectively friendly. Since I was the fairest looking of all (this was only day three, so the sun hadn’t yet darkened me into a shade considered “unmarriageable”), the waitress was nicest to me, whilst she was practically flippant towards my darker-skinned brother-in-law. I imply no racism at all, but to me she always said “Sure thing, hon,“and to him she always said “uh-kay.” This isn’t a 20/20 scandal featurette where Barbara Walters’s “let’s make-babies with the candle-lighting on my face” face will suddenly appear and spout off wild accusations. So please, draw your own conclusions.

Harry Potter Theme Park
As a thirty-year-old scandalously-single (sorry mom!) Indian-Canadian woman, the Harry Potter theme park was the obvious highlight of my trip. What pleased me most was to find so many others in my age bracket and beyond. Forty-something women in mom-jean-shorts guzzling Butter Beer in ecstasy, mature-most-definitely-out-of-college men pushing children out of the way so they could photograph themselves in front of the Hogwarts Express, it was glorious! The experience renewed my belief that books about kids, magic wands, potions exams, and first kisses are meant to be read by grown adults with frown wrinkles and upcoming prostate exams, whereas children should stick to this new-found era of “XBox Kinects” and not knowing how to read.

The After-Math
As sad as it is to say, I’d never been on a “lay by the pool/beach every day” vacation until this year. What an idiot I was, for never realizing the jealousy that’s felt towards an ethnic girl when she returns. Let’s just say I’ve been back for two weeks, have gotten almost zero sun since my return, but them pale white bitches STILL be jealous!

It’s all I have, this mocha-chino skin, and I will prostitute it in an office environment for several weeks more. “Excuse me clothing store attendant, give me everything you have in white…”

***
I can tell from your Internet-stranger eyes that you’d like me to go on many more vacations, so I can tell you many more things just like this.

Request granted. Look out Paris, here I come!…

🙂

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comments

I’m glad you had such an interesting trip, and especially that you got such a great tan without getting burned up (there’s a fine line, you know)! Before visiting Paris, though–perhaps you might consider visiting “my” part of Florida–it’s every bit as beautiful, and I’d be delighted to show you around!

Scott

May 24, 2011

I felt very fortunate that I avoided getting burned to a crisp!

Romi

May 27, 2011

ROTFLMFAO!!!

This…really…I’m gasping for air! Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Okay. I’ve composed myself.
No I haven’t!

LOLOLOLOLOL!!

Shana Hammaker

May 24, 2011

When anything I write results in a reaction like that…it makes my day 😀

Love you Shana, and I just bought your second terrifying tale (the one about forks, was it?)…once again I’m afraid ot read it 😉

Romi

May 27, 2011

It sounds like you had a restful and entertaining time in the Sunshine State. Happy for you!

While I’ve only gotten to know you through the many shared words we’ve had, it’s still always great to find a new Romi post here. Twitter be DAMNED. 😦

LOL: your description of the wing joint aroma! You have no idea how hard it is to clean up corpse residue. Plus you’ve given me a wonderful marketing idea: bleu cheese Febreze!!

David

May 24, 2011

David, I will NOT be purchasing bleu cheese Febreze, and it’s been a pleasure knowing you in this format! (that makes it sound like I won’t know you anymore after this, which is hopefully not the case 😉 )

Romi

May 27, 2011

I’m going to Florida in August to see one of my very best friends and I can already tell you the highlight of the trip will be our visit to Harry Potter world.

rachelhamm

May 25, 2011

Try the Butter Beer! 😀

Romi

May 27, 2011

Butterbeer is delicious. So is the Chocolate Frog I bought, and the Fizing Whizbees my friend bought. I also walked away with Ginny Weasley’s wand and was complete jealous of a girl I saw wearing a tshirt that read: “I’d go sleazy for Ron Weasley.”

The Wizarding World of Harry Potter at Univeral Studios’ Islands of Adventure= AMAZING!

rachelhamm

August 14, 2011

Babay feedin’ on mah arm,so 1-handed tpyin’.

I fkn dig you.

’nuff said.

Judd

May 25, 2011

Stop raising your baby to be a cannibal Judd.

Also…HEY I recognize that avatar, I KNOW YOU! 😉

And it’s nice to find you here and thank you for diggin’ me! 😀

Romi

May 27, 2011

Glad you had a good trip to my home state! Florida is an interesting mix of people and places. We’re definitely the crazy uncle of U.S. states (CA is the cousin in “protective custody” while TX is our crazy gun toting uncle.) What’s this have to do with your post? Not much. 🙂

Mike Bonfanti

May 25, 2011

What does anything I write have to do with anything? 😉 In other words, always good to hear from you 🙂

Romi

May 27, 2011

“mature-most-definitely-out-of-college men pushing children out of the way so they could photograph themselves in front of the Hogwarts Express . . .”

That is so, so, so funny Romi.

Greg

June 6, 2011

well it’s true!! 😉

Romi

July 3, 2011

Long live your moca-chino skin, Romi!

theduffboy

June 7, 2011

I’m working on it 😉

Romi

July 3, 2011

sounds you had a nice holiday.. thanks for sharing 😉

Sharp

June 16, 2011

Well, sharing is caring 🙂

Romi

July 3, 2011

If people don’t know you and that’s a problem, then TELL THEM WHO YOU ARE!
You’ve got the greatest forum anyone could ask for. You control the information flow, young lady; take advantage of that.

The Hook

December 18, 2011

I’ve been trying to control everything I possibly can in 2011, and look forward to more of that in 2012!

Romi

December 19, 2011

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