Confessions of a Chick in Paris

Confessions of a Chick in Paris

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I Miss the “Vintage” Internet…”New” Internet Must Be Stopped!

August 13, 2012 , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

When most women spend extra time in the shower, they’re usually “exploring their bodies” after reading another few chapters from the trilogy that shall not be named (and yes, that series is on the level of “Voldemort” now).

When I, Romi, spend extra time in the shower, I’m lathering my hair for longer than I need to, as I obsess over things that will surely turn into blog posts.

And so, after taking most of the summer off (from blogging, not showering), this post is brought to you by excessive shampooing.

Here’s my issue: I miss the “good ol’ days” of the Internet. You know what I’m talking about; those days back in 1998, when e-mail gave way to curious chat rooms, and guys named “Storm” with hot surfer bodies according to their pics would only talk to you if you offered up your bra size? Remember? And then you’d lie about your bra size to make sure Storm would talk to you, only for your brother and sister to discover your browsing history, and terrorize your teenage self for months to come…ah, glory days!

For those of you disturbed by the similarities between my Internet “glory days” and the show “To Catch A Predator,” let me remind you of more recent and mass-appeal glory days, days which are also lost.

It’s anywhere between the years 2007 and 2010ish. Blogging is the coolest thing around; you and your blogging buddies post two to three times a week, because by golly: you have so many original thoughts! Facebook is also fun, with your friends posting updates and photos that originate from their actual lives. Twitter’s like a bit of a bar scene, where you stand in a corner, put yourself out there with your 140-character original thoughts, and wait to see if someone will notice.

Fast forward to now…and THIS happens:

  1. Most of your friends barely blog anymore (okay, I’m guilty of that too), but approximately fifteen times a day, a “someecard” will be shared on Facebook, thereby removing the poster’s need to be clever on his/her own
  2. Approximately ten times a day, some photo will appear in your newsfeed, because one of your friends hit the “like” button. This photo is not from one of their friend’s vacations, but instead it’s a photo that’s gone viral, with a hundred thousand ‘likes.” The original poster of the photo doesn’t even know the people in the picture, they probably just grabbed the photo off of Google images. So essentially you’re “liking” randomness, and the photo in question will always sound a lot like this:
    1. “Like” this photo if you think this girl is beautiful (cue ten-year-old girl in the hospital post-chemotherapy, and attached to various tubes)
    2. This couple has been married for eighty years! “Like” this photo if you think they’re amazing! (cue photo of 100-year-old couple holding hands)
    3. “Like” this photo if you think this is horrible (cue photo of emaciated homeless man sprawled out in the street in winter)
  3. And finally, every so often, someone will instruct you to re-post their run-on sentence update if you hate the thing in question, like…cancer; it’s not THEIR original run-on sentence update, but they saw someone post it and then THEY posted it and now you should too. If you don’t re-post it, you’re pretty heartless.

Items two and three bother me the most, and guess what:  I’ve never “liked” or re-posted any of that. Ohhh no, do you know what this must mean then? It must mean:

  1. I think cancer is cool-beans
  2. I think little girls with illnesses are ugly
  3. I think people with epically-long-marriages are losers
  4. I think it’s amazing when people become homeless

But wait: that’s not what it means at all!

I have thoughts, feelings and ideas that are original, so I don’t really need to be a pre-packaged, sheep-like Internet user.

And neither do you!

If you still think it’s cool to “like” these photos of random people on Facebook instead of photos of your actual friends, have you ever looked at the Facebook user who posted that photo in the first place? In most cases it’s a teenage dude wearing his hat at a weird angle all thug-like, or a teenage girl making that fish-lips face to the camera. Sometimes they’ll even beg you to follow their Twitter account (“In poor taste!” I cry, “in poor taste!”). Are these really the kind of people you want to represent your Internet thoughts?

And don’t even get me started on Twitter…gah Twitter! Have you taken a close look at Twitter recently? It goes like this:

  1. Fake Jesus twitter account getting tons of followers
  2. Fake Will Smith twitter account with fake quotes getting tons of followers
  3. Angelina Jolie’s “leg” twitter account getting tons of followers

This is the other sad part about the Internet: you have to LITERALLY be somebody else to make sure you get a huge following. Maybe that was always an alluring aspect of the Internet, but what about the other main draw of social networking?

Narcissism!

I’m sorry, but how am I supposed to let people know who ROMI is, if I start a twitter account that’s forever living in the shadow of one of Angelina Jolie’s limbs? (And YES, about two hours after Angelina Jolie wore a dress with a hip-high slit at the Oscars, her leg came to life as a Twitter account).

I will not be reduced to a lone limb or a religious icon, because A: I am Romi Moondi, B: say my name, bitch; and C: even if I only get one hundredth of the followers that a leg gets, and even if my photos don’t represent the best parts of humanity and go viral, all that shit is MINE, and you can either “like” it…or not.

PS: remember when I complained about women posting ultrasound pics of their pregnant uterus’s (or is the plural “uteri”?)? Maybe you don’t remember, because I’m not sure if I blogged about it, but it’s definitely in one of my books. Anyhoo…I now long for the nostalgic days of having to see someone’s uterus, because now it’s gotten worse, in the form of…a pregnancy test with the positive symbol.

Yes, via the powers of modern Internet usage, I am now being subjected to seeing a mild acquaintance’s pee on Facebook.

Well at least it’s their own pee and they’re not sharing someone else’s.  I guess. Sweet.

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comments

Agree x50000 and the evil that is tumblr deserves a nod of blame here, as well.

Brian

August 13, 2012

Yes, Tumblr should be a part of this; I thought about adding it, but my experience with tumblr goes no further than opening a tumblr account, observing the site for two weeks, getting scared, and then deleting my account. So I didn’t think I was the best person to speak on it. Can you write an appendix to my post re: tumblr? Thx.

Romi

August 13, 2012

This is amazing!! And sad because I have fallen into every single category that you mentioned =/

Tracy Yurksaitis

August 13, 2012

Not sad at all! This is an awareness exercise, so we can stop the Internet apocalypse. It’s not too late! 😉

Romi

August 13, 2012

HA! Fantastic post! I also hate seeing ultra-sound photos on FB. A friend once tore me a new one when I told her congrats but I didn’t like the ultra-sound photo! She literally tore me a new one saying it’s ma baabee!

Jennifer Avventura

August 13, 2012

Hahahaha, those women are very sensitive about their precious fetus photos! Thanks for commenting Jennifer 🙂

Romi

August 20, 2012

The “new web” is a bizarre place, Romi. Its populated by ad men looking for and promoting the next Big Thing.
Speaking of promotion, I could use any advice you have as far as marketing my book is concerned. I can carry luggage and write about it, but I can’t market worth beans! I could use some advice from an old – but still hot – hand in the publishing biz…

The Hook

August 18, 2012

Aww, well thanks for the built-in compliment ;-). If there’s any advice I can offer that might be useful I’ll definitely try! Why don’t you send me an email at romimoondiwriter@gmail.com Thanks!

Romi

August 20, 2012

I forgot to mention this is an osum theme for the blog 😀

Smriti

May 10, 2013

Glad you like it; the wine and pastries are a big part of my life right now, haha

Romi

May 11, 2013

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